Unconditional Love

This past week I lost my pet, Miss Nina.  She was a gentle, beautiful, loving boxer bulldog who loyally loved and served my family for almost 8 years.  We received Nina into our home months before she turned 4 and spoiled her until last day with us this past Thursday.  On September 26th, our family decided to release her from cancer and the pain she was enduring.  My husband and I took her to our vet's office where we were greeted with compassion and love.  I held my sweet baby girl as she peacefully and quietly took her last breath with us.  I actually felt her leave but it was a beautiful moment.  My tears were those of relief because her pain had finally ended.  The healing I had prayed for her so many times happened right before my eyes.

Her love for me was unconditional in the truest sense of the word.  For some reason Nina became my shadow.  Everywhere I went she was close behind.  If I got up, she got up.  If I left the room, she followed me.  When I came home from anywhere she acted as if it were the best thing in the world.  She made me feel special and loved no matter what else was going on in my world.  She was the best listener I've ever known, too.  Maybe it was because she couldn't talk!  At the same time, she could have walked away, but never did.

What I will miss most is Nina's love for me.  No one else loved me like Nina did except for my Lord.  I believe He loved me through my Nina.  Don't get me wrong.  My husband and daughter love me.  My parents and sister love me.  My family and friends love me, but this love was different.  It was UNCONDITIONAL.  Nina had no expectations of me.  Nina did not get mad at me. Nina didn't care what I said or did.  Nina didn't care what function I attended or what I did for a living.  Nina didn't care what I looked like or even if my hair looked good.  Nina didn't expect me to always make the right decision or be perfect.  Nina never hurt me or showed contempt against me.  Nina was never ugly to me.

Nina just loved me no matter what.  Even though my heart is broken and I miss her so much that tears are now a constant for me, I would do it all again to experience that kind of love.  God knew that I would need her over the past seven years of my life and He knew the kind of love I would need could only come from a beautiful boxer named Miss Nina Daly.

Not Accepted

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Romans 15:7 NIV

In the past few months of my life as a caregiver, I have listened to the voice of God more attentively than ever before.  At the very same time, I have met some of the hardest opposition from those who do not accept me nor what I was being told to do by the Lord. God tells us very clearly in the scripture above that we are to accept one another just as Christ accepted us and when we do it is a way in which to praise Him. 

I want to make it clear that when you accept someone it doesn't always mean that you agree or fully understand what they are doing.  What it does mean is that if they tell you that God is leading them and you can see the doors God is opening in their life, you should not discourage them or hinder them.  It means praying over them even if what they have been called to do doesn't fit into your plan for them.  Accepting someone means that you are okay with being different and you ask God to give you peace about what is happening.  

Those who cannot accept me or what God is doing in my life cannot be a hindrance or worry to me.  This may seem cold, but it is not in my control to change their minds or actions.  I can only pray for their eyes to be opened to see all that God is doing in my life for my good and hope that one day they can learn to accept me.  If I worry and become upset each time someone lashes out or says something hurtful to me because they cannot accept me or God's plan for my life, I would stay worried and upset which is not a part of God's plan. God's Word tells me not to worry and to trust Him.  I am sharing my heart with you today for I know I am not alone.

Unseen Needs

Galatians 1:22

I was personally unknown to the churches of Judea that are in Christ.

As a caregiver, I remember many Sundays when I would leave church feeling more alone than when I entered the doors an hour earlier.  Instead of feeling encouraged and refueled for another week of intensive caregiving, I would be sad and exhausted from all the questions concerning my husband's health and latest Dr.'s appointment.  No one ever realized what was happening and I was never sad that others loved my husband and were praying for him.  Don't think that for a second.

BUT, at the same time, I was rarely ever asked how I was doing or feeling.  Not many ever asked me how all this had affected me or told me they were specifically praying for me.  When prayer requests were given in worship service, my husband's name was announced but never mine.  When names for prayer were written in the bulletin for people to pray over during the week, my husband's always appeared but never mine.

My church wasn't being insensitive they just didn't know any better.  They had never stopped and thought about me as the caregiver or my spiritual needs.  Because of this, it has become a personal mission of mine through MDO Ministries to make churches aware of the needs of the caregivers within their congregations.  Just like women, men, children, teens, young adults, singles, married couples, and the elderly, caregivers deserve and need their own group and support from the church.  I know that pastors and church boards would be amazed if they only polled their congregation during one Sunday morning worship service to see how many sitting in the pews consider themselves to be caregivers.  I also believe that when pastors and staff members visit people in hospitals, rest homes, and even homes, they should be aware of the needs of the caregivers along with those they are going to visit.  What if a caregiver they encounter is NOT a Christian?  What an amazing way to witness and bring another person to the Savior!

Do not think for a moment I am beating up the church.  I just know that unless we make it our goal to bring awareness to leaders in the church, it will never change.  I want to send a shout out to a church that has greatly inspired me in this which is Mount Olive P. H. Church in Mt. Olive, NC.  This church as a caregiver support group that not only meets to support one another in the Word of God and in prayer for one another but they also pray for other caregivers!  Another amazing outreach they participate in is providing care packages to caregivers.  I was invited to be their guest speaker for a meeting and I left more blessed and inspired than when I arrived thinking I would do that for them!

If your church does not provide support for caregivers, speak up today and propose that something can be started.  Caregivers are searching and longing for support.  Let's make the church of God the place they can go to find the One who cares for them.

I'm Not Allowed

Just this past week I had the pleasure of talking with a male caregiver over the phone who has been a caregiver for over 25 years.  God sent our materials to him and he called me for more information.  Very timidly he asked me if he had ever felt like I wasn't allowed to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, angry, or sad as  caregiver.  I immediately and probably loudly responded, "Yes, oh, yes!"  The problem for caregivers is that we feel guilty or that we are complaining when we express how we are feeling to others.  Then comes trying to share with the one we care for.  That can be very difficult, too. 

  I could not tell my husband how I was feeling because it would make him feel terrible.  He would begin to cry and tell me how sorry he was for putting me through all this.  That was never my intention but it always ended that way.  So, many times I would keep it all inside and at times I would collapse or burst with emotion.  I had to find a few close and trusted friends that I could vent to but at the same time they could not fully understand how I was feeling.  

Let me tell you about the ONLY one who ever understood how I was feeling.  His name is Jesus and He became my dearest, closest, and most intimate friend during my first year as a caregiver and that has never changed.  Jesus felt all the feelings I was experiencing on the cross when He died for me.  He is my caregiver and so He really does get how I am feeling.  

I would love to see how many caregivers respond to this blog.  Be real and share.  It helps so much to share so that other caregivers see they are not alone!

Taking Care of Me

Revelation 12:6

The woman fled into the wilderness to a place prepared for her by God, where she might betaken care of for 1,260 days.

This scripture tells us that a woman fled to a place that was prepared for her by God, himself, where she would be taken care of for over a thousand days.  That sounds pretty good to me!  As a caregiver, I find myself taking care of others all the time and neglecting myself.  I forget to go to the doctor, the dentist, or even the hair dresser.  I just don't feel like I have the time to do things for myself because I put the needs of those I care for first.  

For many caregivers, it goes beyond just missing appointments.  Many caregivers develop health conditions of their own because of the stress they are under at all times.  Stress can cause many serious physical health concerns and caregivers must listen to their bodies.  

At the same time, feeling good about yourself is very important, too!  If you enjoy exercising then you need to make time to do so.  If you enjoy getting your nails or hair done, find time to make yourself an appointment every few weeks.  There is always something that makes us feel better about ourselves so find that thing and do it!  It's so important!

Last is your mental health.  You must find moments to get away from caregiving.  You have to find quiet times just for yourself.  I remember days when just a run to the grocery store by myself was precious!  It may be that you take a walk around your neighborhood with your favorite praise songs blasting?  Whatever your escape is, realize what it is and make it happen!

God longs for your to be taken care of and find moments of rest!

Guard Your Heart While You Wait

Job 17:1-2

“My spirit is broken, my days used up, my grave dug and waiting. See how these mockers close in on me? How long do I have to put up with their insolence?

My heart always breaks for Job when I read his story in the Word of God.  This was an honest man of God who was attacked by the devil while He waited on God to save him and make things right.  We find ourselves in similar situations all the time.  While we are going through very difficult times of loss and heartache we find the devil comes and attacks our minds in mighty ways just as he did to Job.  

When you read the scripture above it tells us that people were mocking or talking trash about Job.  He felt as if they were actually closing in around him.  Instead of helping him or coming to his aid they were putting him down and being cruel to him.  Job's cry to the Lord was, "How long do I have to put up with their insolence?" which meant their hurts and attacks.  Job had come to his very end.  It said in verse 1 that his spirit is broken, his days are used up, and that his grave was dug and waiting.  I must say that sounds like he was having more than a really bad day!  We all know that because of his pain, the mockers, and the attacks of the enemy, Job felt he could go on no longer, BUT... God did come to his rescue and restored every part of his life double what he had in the beginning!  Don't ever lose hope!  God is a god who loves you and takes joy in restoring your heart and life!  Don't allow the enemy to overcome your heart while you wait on HIM!

You Reap What You Sow

Galations 6:7 

"For whatever a man sows, that and that only is what he will reap."

The longer I walk with Jesus the more I realize the power I hold in my words and my actions.  I also experience the repercussions from the words and actions of those around me.  What I am learning is that I have absolutely NO control over what others say or do, but I DO have control over how I react. I can respond with more hurt and more angry words or I can ignore it and continue to live for Christ.  The later choice is what I have chosen.  Ignoring hurts is one of the hardest things you will ever do, or at least it is for me, but God says to turn the other cheek and that is what I am striving to do.

The Bible clearly tells us that what we say and what they do to others comes back to us.  It says that whatever a man sows, or does, is what he/she will reap, or get in return.  So, it tells me that people who hurt others with their words and actions will only receive hurt in return.

My challenge for you is to pray for these people, as well as ourselves, and how we react to them.  What God has shown me is that I alone cannot do anything to change them or stop the hurt.  BUT... I serve a God that can do anything including change their hearts and lives. I, too, pray that God will convict me of what I say and do, too.  I, also, want to sow great things so that I can then reap good things in my life.  Prayer to God changes things and it can also change what is sown and reaped!