I'm Not Allowed

Just this past week I had the pleasure of talking with a male caregiver over the phone who has been a caregiver for over 25 years.  God sent our materials to him and he called me for more information.  Very timidly he asked me if he had ever felt like I wasn't allowed to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, angry, or sad as  caregiver.  I immediately and probably loudly responded, "Yes, oh, yes!"  The problem for caregivers is that we feel guilty or that we are complaining when we express how we are feeling to others.  Then comes trying to share with the one we care for.  That can be very difficult, too. 

  I could not tell my husband how I was feeling because it would make him feel terrible.  He would begin to cry and tell me how sorry he was for putting me through all this.  That was never my intention but it always ended that way.  So, many times I would keep it all inside and at times I would collapse or burst with emotion.  I had to find a few close and trusted friends that I could vent to but at the same time they could not fully understand how I was feeling.  

Let me tell you about the ONLY one who ever understood how I was feeling.  His name is Jesus and He became my dearest, closest, and most intimate friend during my first year as a caregiver and that has never changed.  Jesus felt all the feelings I was experiencing on the cross when He died for me.  He is my caregiver and so He really does get how I am feeling.  

I would love to see how many caregivers respond to this blog.  Be real and share.  It helps so much to share so that other caregivers see they are not alone!

Taking Care of Me

Revelation 12:6

The woman fled into the wilderness to a place prepared for her by God, where she might betaken care of for 1,260 days.

This scripture tells us that a woman fled to a place that was prepared for her by God, himself, where she would be taken care of for over a thousand days.  That sounds pretty good to me!  As a caregiver, I find myself taking care of others all the time and neglecting myself.  I forget to go to the doctor, the dentist, or even the hair dresser.  I just don't feel like I have the time to do things for myself because I put the needs of those I care for first.  

For many caregivers, it goes beyond just missing appointments.  Many caregivers develop health conditions of their own because of the stress they are under at all times.  Stress can cause many serious physical health concerns and caregivers must listen to their bodies.  

At the same time, feeling good about yourself is very important, too!  If you enjoy exercising then you need to make time to do so.  If you enjoy getting your nails or hair done, find time to make yourself an appointment every few weeks.  There is always something that makes us feel better about ourselves so find that thing and do it!  It's so important!

Last is your mental health.  You must find moments to get away from caregiving.  You have to find quiet times just for yourself.  I remember days when just a run to the grocery store by myself was precious!  It may be that you take a walk around your neighborhood with your favorite praise songs blasting?  Whatever your escape is, realize what it is and make it happen!

God longs for your to be taken care of and find moments of rest!

Guard Your Heart While You Wait

Job 17:1-2

“My spirit is broken, my days used up, my grave dug and waiting. See how these mockers close in on me? How long do I have to put up with their insolence?

My heart always breaks for Job when I read his story in the Word of God.  This was an honest man of God who was attacked by the devil while He waited on God to save him and make things right.  We find ourselves in similar situations all the time.  While we are going through very difficult times of loss and heartache we find the devil comes and attacks our minds in mighty ways just as he did to Job.  

When you read the scripture above it tells us that people were mocking or talking trash about Job.  He felt as if they were actually closing in around him.  Instead of helping him or coming to his aid they were putting him down and being cruel to him.  Job's cry to the Lord was, "How long do I have to put up with their insolence?" which meant their hurts and attacks.  Job had come to his very end.  It said in verse 1 that his spirit is broken, his days are used up, and that his grave was dug and waiting.  I must say that sounds like he was having more than a really bad day!  We all know that because of his pain, the mockers, and the attacks of the enemy, Job felt he could go on no longer, BUT... God did come to his rescue and restored every part of his life double what he had in the beginning!  Don't ever lose hope!  God is a god who loves you and takes joy in restoring your heart and life!  Don't allow the enemy to overcome your heart while you wait on HIM!

You Reap What You Sow

Galations 6:7 

"For whatever a man sows, that and that only is what he will reap."

The longer I walk with Jesus the more I realize the power I hold in my words and my actions.  I also experience the repercussions from the words and actions of those around me.  What I am learning is that I have absolutely NO control over what others say or do, but I DO have control over how I react. I can respond with more hurt and more angry words or I can ignore it and continue to live for Christ.  The later choice is what I have chosen.  Ignoring hurts is one of the hardest things you will ever do, or at least it is for me, but God says to turn the other cheek and that is what I am striving to do.

The Bible clearly tells us that what we say and what they do to others comes back to us.  It says that whatever a man sows, or does, is what he/she will reap, or get in return.  So, it tells me that people who hurt others with their words and actions will only receive hurt in return.

My challenge for you is to pray for these people, as well as ourselves, and how we react to them.  What God has shown me is that I alone cannot do anything to change them or stop the hurt.  BUT... I serve a God that can do anything including change their hearts and lives. I, too, pray that God will convict me of what I say and do, too.  I, also, want to sow great things so that I can then reap good things in my life.  Prayer to God changes things and it can also change what is sown and reaped!

Caregiving Can Cause Tears

I spoke with a dear woman this past week who was very concerned about a close family member who is a caregiver.  This family member was not only caring full time for a cancer patient but a very angry and hard to deal with cancer patient.  I know many of you can certainly understand.  I know that I witnessed this often from my grandfather who suffered from a severe stroke and other serious health issues.  He was angry and bitter due to the fact that he suffered this stroke and being paralyzed only weeks after retiring from working his entire life.  I knew exactly what this woman was talking about as she begged me to pray for this family caregiver whom she loved so much.  Being a caregiver can many times be a painful and tearful experience. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart.  It is for those who are wearing the full armor of God and know that He is their caregiver!  God knows your pain and He is your help!